i think i have herpe
just one?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
