From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I want a musical about memes.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
