She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
