Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
