Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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