that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
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The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
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I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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