so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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