If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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