im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
third nipple confirmed
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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