shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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