Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
