Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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