I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She's the barista slut.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
