I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
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I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
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I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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