I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I still have a little drunk in my system
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
