my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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