I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
