I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize