Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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