when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
