I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
