you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
