i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
