Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize