Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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