what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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