How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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