I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
