He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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