haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
