Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
