Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
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well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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