break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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