just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
