we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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