Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize