I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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