It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Your penis caused this!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
