she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
