come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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