Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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