well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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