I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
