I heard we made out
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
