Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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