My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize