You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
