you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
