I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
