We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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