You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My vagina just clenched in fear
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
