just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Duck Duck Cougar?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
