This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
