called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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