he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
