The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
im drinking this country out of the recession.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
