dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
And my parents said I crawled through the house
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
