even my farts smell like vagina
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
