I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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