You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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