This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
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We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
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Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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