Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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