I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
