I think my vagina is haunted
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
