So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
