Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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